Over the last few months I have followed some very life impacting stories. One that I followed closely was the saga of a young “down to earth” country girl from Russell County, Kentucky. A girl who’s mom quoted “I’m not worried about her being alone in N.Y., she’s in good hands.”
A young girl who at the “TOP” of her game, seems to have gotten caught up in the peer-pressure, glitz and glamour of the party scene and who did not know how to handle the worldly success she had earned. It makes one wonder where were those “Good Hands” her mom spoke so highly of a few months ago.
Why did it take a public embarrassment before those “Good Hands” seemed to care?
Tara Connor (Miss USA) now has been given a second chance to not only keep her crown, but to get her life in order. Some will say it’s a publicity stunt for “The Donald” owner of the Miss USA organization. Yet, others will question “Is she sincere?” I personally believe it’s a time for a family to come back together and help a young and talented girl to get back on the right tract.
I can relate to Tara on both a personal level and because I have kids. I know what it means to screw up and need a second chance. I also have kids who have screw things up so bad; they had no idea where to turn. Each time one of our kids have created a life changing event, I always ask myself “is there something more I could have done?”
So you may be wondering “Troy where are you going with all this?” Well over the next few minutes if you will indulge me I will share exactly what my focus is with this post.
First, let me share what the word Chazown is all about, because I am going to use it a few times.
Chazown (KaZone) is Hebrew for Dream, Vision, or Revelation. King Solomon put it best when he wrote “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” (Prov. 29:18)
Our goal as parents should be to help our kids discover their Chazown, and then guide them forward towards it. (I for one have not done this as well as I should have in a couple of cases.)
Take a second and ask yourself the following question:
“What have I done today to help my kids discover their Chazown?”
This question is very important, and sadly I must admit, there are days I don’t ask myself that question.
As a matter of fact most of the time I find myself asking another question:
“Could I have done more?”
When Paige and I got married we both realized the last thing we wanted to become was copies of our parents. So we set out on a journey to make sure it never happened. We quickly realized that our parents hid from us their past and in a few cases their current life. They expected us to be open and honest with them, yet they had this completely separate life that was hidden from us.
So we made pack to be Authentic, Relevant, and Transparent Parents. And YES this means being our kid’s BEST Friends.
Parents (Best Friends) who do everything in our power to help our children discover their Chazown, and then give them the support and resources to live it.
Now I know some experts state “Your kids don’t need more friends, they need parents.” Well, I guess that would truly depend on what the definition of “Friend” is. (I’m starting to sound like a Politician) The definition I am using is as follows “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.”
If the truth was told, I bet these experts never acted like I did, or had “so called” friends like I did or parents like mind for that matter (I still sound like a teen.) The last thing I needed was another friend like the ones I had, but looking back that is what I had.)
What I needed was a friend who cared and loved me unconditionally and was not worried about me getting mad at them for telling me what I needed to hear, instead of what I wanted to hear.
I’m not talking about being a parent who allows our kids to do what they want, when they want, the way they want (unless they’re 4 and named Jetty.) I am talking about building a relationship so tight with our kids that when they do get busted for something really asinine, they still know we love them and will help guide them through their stupid actions.
Does this approach to parenting work all the time? YES! Does it mean our kids still won’t do something completely un-resourceful? Nope! As a matter of fact I can almost guarantee they will do something BIG that will be so embarrassing you wonder if these kids really came from your loins or were delivered by some alien life force on God’s behalf just to keep you humble.
And, yes each time this has happened our relationship with our kids have grown stronger. They know that we love them, support them, and will always be there for them; even when we are disappointed in their actions. They also know where we stand when it comes to our values and ethics. If they violate disrespect our values and ethics there will be consequences to their actions, and disciplinary action will follow.
Even our adult kids know where we stand. Although we respect their right to make their own life choices, we also expect them to respect our life choices.
Tolerance is a two way street!
So, let’s go back to my original question:
“What have you done today to help your kids discover their Chazown?”
Then ask yourself this question.
“What type of relationship do I have with my kids?”
The last question can be the catalyst for a new and stronger personal relationship with your kids.
Take time today to share with your kids something from your past that can be used as a life lesson. You know the one I am talking about. Why hide it any longer? Let them know you’re human. Become an Authentic, Relevant and Transparent parent today!
Never Give Up,
Troy
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